You’re finally feeling like your old self again. All those days stuck in fear, wondering if you’ll ever move on are now thoughts of the past…and then bam! Out of nowhere, he pops up, creeping his way in with a plan to hijack your mind. And it works.
Why does this happen now, when you’re practically touching the finish line? It’s like he turns into a canine dog with advanced receptors in his nose, getting a whiff of you moving on and then tracking you down.
It’s selfish love. If this isn’t the first time, it’s likely you’ve fallen in this trap before. How did that work out? Probably not well.
An emotionally unavailable man, sensing their ex moving on, is hit with unresolved conflict. Their immaculate ability to repress emotions has reached a dead end street.
All those notes, brainstormed and carefully written into your phone, later sending as text messages, (I know the deal) fed his ego. He’s now feeling uneasy….or even worse- emotional.
He doesn’t want you to move on. What if you find someone better than him? What if you never speak to him again? If he’s so concerned, why didn’t he consider that before? Because he’s emotionally unavailable and loves conditionally.
True love has no conditions. Using affection as a tool for control isn’t love. There are strings attached- expectations.
Unconditional love doesn’t seek rewards. Love isn’t some business transaction. What do I get in return? Like a puppy, scratching at your door, tail in-between his legs; he’s looking for compensation. No matter what he says or does, it’s driven by an urge to feel he still matters.
To give him that is to satisfy his fragile ego. It wasn’t undying love that brought him back to you. Sounds brutal but it’s the truth. An emotionally unavailable man would have to confront his issues, which requires acknowledgment and uncomfortable work.
Unless he says, “Hey I’ve been in therapy for the past few months and realized I wasn’t ready for a relationship but I’ve made progress and would love a second chance at trying.” If you laughed, like I did, it’s probably because it’s hard to imagine this ever happening.
Don’t backtrack on your progress for someone who’s not progressing. Practice self-care, meet your own needs, and direct energy toward your passions.
It may sound cliche, but life really is too short. Don’t waste your time on shallow individuals, mindlessly chasing a bone because in a few days, they’ll trade it in for something new.
Only a boy offers a woman breadcrumbs. Love yourself enough to know you deserve the whole fucking meal.
-Jessica Bruno LMHC