Categories
healing Letting go Mental Health Mindfulness psychology Toxic Relationships

Seeking Meaning As A Tortured Soul

Don’t let the term, “tortured soul” fool you with it’s negative connotation.

A tortured soul is someone persistently seeking meaning. The saying, “everything happens for a reason,” just isn’t good enough. What is that reason? Who is dictating such things? Is there even a spiritual or religious force behind it or are things just the way they are for no good reason?

I have sat with my thoughts countless amount of nights contemplating every possible explanation for the misfortunes I encountered to the degree of mental exhaustion. Sounds pretty unhealthy, right? And it is.

There’s no denying that beating a dead horse will get you absolutely nowhere except stain your white tee with splattered blood and guts.  Why is acknowledging this truth never enough to halt the obsessive rumination? 

Tortured souls have the tendency to dwell on misfortunes and wallow in negative emotions with intent to achieve a heightened state of awareness. We perceive this awareness may result in growth and self-development, so the outcome becomes satisfying. Only then, do we believe we gained something positive, hence concluding it meant something, and we’re better for it.

Not only do tortured souls seek to uncover hidden meaning, but we also yearn to contribute to the good of society. We tend to express the self creatively. Successful creative expression often stems from painful experiences. Dwelling on these emotions becomes an outlet of self-expression. Suffering sucks, and it is not only inevitable, but can be the source of creating a beautiful masterpiece.

The reason I use the word tortured, is because a search for meaning can engulf and swallow you whole, leading way to a destructive path. Wallowing in self-pity occurs when you’re unable to find peace in a situation. Since creative expression is common during these moments, one may become too comfortable in isolation.

After a while, it becomes a normalized state, and the ability to creatively channel pain is lost to saturation. So, how do you greet it with peace and close the door? If you feel stuck, it’s time to take action. Sometimes, the insight we seek is driven by our own insecurity or inability to let go. Instead of clinging, empathize with yourself. It’s okay to feel what you feel. No explanation needed. You could beat yourself up for it or you can accept it.

We perpetuate negative feelings by choosing to focus on it. When we form a habit to empathize with ourselves and fully comprehend that our current state does not have to be our permanent state, the situation becomes less frightening.

Don’t give your pain a home. It’s a visitor and it’s not meant to stay.

-Jessica Bruno LMHC

By Jessica Bruno

I'm an an aspiring author, as well as a psychotherapist. I obtained my masters in Mental Health Counseling, Applied Psychology from New York University. I enjoy challenging conventional schools of thought and discussing the "hard stuff," with candor and humor. The world is a canvas, why be boring and paint inside the lines?

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